When I was a child I was taught well what is socially acceptable in this world and what is not!
My mother was a real stickler for getting it right and being a good Mom, so one of the first things that I learned in life was to be agreeable.
I remember my lessons on YES and NO as clearly as if it was today. The word NO was simply not acceptable in the world! So when I was asked to do something that I really did not want to do, inside of me a little voice would pop into my thoughts and I would say NO but outside I would go ahead and do, just because I was not supposed to say NO. Then when I became a teenager I really didn’t care about the words YES and NO so I learned to get my own way by saying YES and not doing it. The benefit to this was I sure got a whole lot of attention when I didn’t do it and the whole campaign to say NO to drugs, seemed very rude to me, but that is another whole story to get into later!
This brings me to today, where when I say NO, people just seem to push me once I have said it, until I finally break down and do it. This creates a whole lot of havoc in my life with:
- My Family,
- My Friends,
- People I Work with,
- People In the Community
- My Pets and
- All of my leisure activities!
A few years ago a very wise mentor of mine took me aside when I had agreed to do something and never followed through with accomplishing what I said I would do and asked me if my YES always mean’t NO. This sure stopped me in my tracks as I started to laugh and said YES, then he asked me if my NO always mean’t YES, and a whole new world of understanding opened up for me. My messages had sure gotten mixed up because of my early programming in life and not being able to say and mean what I said because of the social conditioning in my young life.
So what did I do with all of this learning?
I became aware of my behaviors and patterns when using the words YES and NO, I observed how other people in my life treated me when I used the words YES and NO, and I learned how to make my NO mean NO and my YES mean YES.
Here it is:
When someone asks me to do something I chose not to do I become socially correct and use the word YES! I simply say:
- YES, I WOULD LOVE TO, BUT I CAN’T! It sure is amazing what people do when I say this, they back off and do not ask me anymore or,
When I know the word NO is necessary for the other person to hear I become assertive and say
- NO ! NO WAY, ABSOLUTELY NOT! and once again the person will back away knowing that I mean what I say!
If you realize that your NO means YES and your YES means NO, these two little tips may help!
Enjoy your Day or Not!
Peace, love, light and blessings!