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Posts Tagged ‘addictions’

Many years ago I was down, depressed, alone and generally isolating myself from the world.  I had lost a child, got a divorce, I believed that I was not good enough, never got the things that I needed in life, was physically unwell, working in a profession that was not my passion, and overall could not seem to find my way out of the dark hole of depression I found myself in.

I went to a Doctor to get some help climbing out of this hole I was in and he prescribed pills to help me out.  I found some freedom and began to climb out and up, however, in this process I became addicted to prescription drugs.  Finally, after looking after my personal needs in securing these  drugs through two or three different doctors I encountered  a new and very smart young doctor who freed me from my “prescription drug” addiction.   I went to his office  to get my prescription and he sat me down asked for the bottle of pills I had with me, looked directly at me and calmly said NO!  He then took my pills, flushed them down the toilet that was adjoining his office and said  “you are an addict so you might just as well go out, drink, become an alcoholic or street drug  junkie, hit the gutter, because I am not giving you another pill, nor will any other doctors in this town.

At that time in my life I was hiding behind a very professional looking exterior and I was hit with a suggestion that I certainly did not want to become a part of me.  “To become a street person did not fit with who I was trying to be on the outside”!

I then began to believe in myself, quit the pills, and started to take one little step forward at a time.  The next thing I knew, I was moving ahead in life with a newly chosen profession  and I continue to move ahead today, without ever looking back or wanting to go back to where I came from.

I learned  that there is a sure way to get the help that you need and that  is to BELIEVE in yourself!

Do you believe in you?

Peace, love, light and blessings

“White Eagle”

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The Story of Yoda, The Creator and The Ducks

 

A very dear friend of mine has a beautiful daughter who has been using Crystal Meth for many years.  I have had the honour of knowing this young woman since she was a small child.  At the age of 5 “Yoda” was full of life, intelligence and caring although she could be somewhat demanding, difficult and unpredictable.

As she grew up I observed the many changes that were happening in her life.  Her mother and father ended up divorced and Yoda seemed to be confused and lost.  Her loyalties were split between her mother and father, and she seemed to be having difficulty making friends and deciding where she fit in this life.  In spite of this, Yoda was gifted in many ways, including her gift of being able to manipulate and turn situations into chaos to work in her favour.

Several years ago I found out that she was using drugs as a means to fit in and escape a reality which she did not want to be a part of.  The reality of divorce and change!  Her mother approached me and asked me for some assistance.  I did family counselling with Mom, Dad and Yoda, and many times I just wanted to give up on Yoda.  I ended up taking my work home with me because Yoda came to the town where I was working  to spend time with myself and my partner.  She wanted to detox herself from the drugs.  I understood then that the only thing I could do was ensure that she continued to breath, sleep, and ensure that her medical needs were taken care of should she need help until she was once again ready to tackle her world.

She was and still is wilful, using dishonesty as her ticket to getting what she wants, blaming others for predicaments that she gets herself into, and at many times is not a pleasant human being to be around.   Over the years I have asked the Universe, Creator and God for assistance so that she can find the beauty that lies within her.

One encounter that I had with Yoda was totally amazing.  She, her mother and I, went on a road trip so that Yoda could prepare to attend modeling school.  Yoda told us that she had been clear of all drug usage, had graduated from high school and wanted to step into the world of modeling to make both her world and the world of others, a more beautiful place to be in.

Physically, Yoda is very beautiful and mysterious looking.  She is 5’8” tall, weighs 90 pounds, and seems to be confident in what she wants to do.  We all believed that she was clean and ready to step out into the world and beautify it.  Our reality changed the week prior to our departure when we learned that Yoda had not quit her drug use, that she in fact had only learned to manage her behaviours in a more acceptable manner to cover her drug usage.  I felt torn and was ready to cancel the trip, but when I talked to her mother I heard the urgency and fear in her mothers voice and readily agreed that we would still go on the trip.

“After all, I had been through this detoxification  process with her before and I innocently decided that her mother and I would be there only to assist her on her journey into adulthood while offering our love and support”.

Within the first day I learned that this was not the way it was going to be!

Yoda, who chose to come off the drugs, was going through some pretty serious detoxification.  She refused to get out of bed, slept, whined, complained, blamed, yelled, fought and created total chaos for herself and everyone who was around her.  Yoda holds the belief that the world will have to understand her, the misfortune that is within her life, her lack of good health, and tolerate her behaviours while her needs are being taken care of.  Her priority in life was always getting high and staying high and with her mother and I with her this was not possible and she had chosen to be clean.

The first few days we got her out of bed, put up with her abuse mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, while Yoda was attempting to fulfill her dream of being a model!  Finally, after I had been hit by a flying pillow, almost knocked off of my feet by her flying feet, being verbally abused and sworn at, I knew I was about to totally lose my patience and my temper!  I did, and I picked up the flying pillow, threw it back onto the bed where she was still lying, face hidden under the covers and got into a verbal sparing match with her.  Her mother sat back quietly listening with tears in her eyes.  Yoda accused me of not listening to her and I quickly realized that this approach was not working, just as it had never worked in my life.

I let Yoda know that I needed to leave, and that I would be ready and willing to listen to her after I had a time out and when she was willing to talk with me.

I went outside to a picnic table and quietly asked for some assistance, from Creator   to help me deal with Yoda and this situation.

I knew that I required some kind of guidance to find an inner strength and  peace and put this situation back together.

As I sat eating a cracker quietly a small duck appeared in front of me and began to beg for the cracker.  I became totally immersed in that moment with the duck and around the corner came four more ducks.  I sat lovingly playing with all five of them and suddenly I realized that the guidance and help I had asked for had miraculously appeared!

Yoda loves animals, and I called her Mother to come and watch the antics of the ducks as we played.  Within moments Yoda had got out of bed, moved outside and started feeding  the ducks, laughing and playing along with her mother and I.  The ducks assisted us to resolve the situation, and Yoda and I began to talk.  I began to really listen to Yoda, both to what she was and wasn’t saying.  She was right, I hadn’t been listened to her.  I had only heard the words that she was saying, I had neglected to understand all that she felt that she could not say.  As we both became more open a peace came over me and I then knew what true peace was all about.  It comes from me!

Thank you Yoda, The Creator, and the Ducks for this most astonishing lesson!

A follow up:

 

Yoda is still struggling with her drug use, has found out that she has had two heart attacks, (one while we were on our trip) and her pancreas is not functioning properly.  She has difficulty eating, is losing more weight and has developed an ulcer.  She continues to seek help and has attempted several forms of treatment to quit her Crystal Meth usage.  I pray daily and ask Creator for assistance so that she too may discover that peace comes from within her and radiates to the outside of her.   She did not become a model and believes today that this will not be a reality for her because of what she has done to her body and mind through drug use. 

 

                                                                         I Love You my Friend

“White Eagle”

copyright My Awakening Journal, a Journey to Enlightenment 

 

Questions to consider:

1.      What could Yoda do to help herself?

            – Mentally

            – Physically

            – Emotionally

            – Spiritually

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

2.         Have you ever asked for assistance in life and received the assistance in a         form that surprised you

Yes_____________________________ No_______________________________

 

What happened?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

3.         What are 3 things you do or could do to help yourself when you are          struggling  with something in your life.  ie: talk to a friend, 

 

            1._____________________________________________________________

            2._____________________________________________________________

            3._____________________________________________________________ 

A message for you from the inside:

Revel

in your

uniqueness.

We are all created

out of love, understanding and

purpose.  The purpose is within your grasp,

although not at the level at which you are now functioning.  

your quest to move through life is now awakening, and as you

awaken, your purpose and mission will be clear to you.  Be in

the world and love all that makes up this world through

learning to love yourself and what you have to offer

to yourself and others.  The road is clear, and

the pitfalls are only created through fear,

uncertainty and the lack of guidance

from those who have gone before

you.  You are all guided in

your quest for life and in

the exciting journey

into your true

existence.

 

May peace, love, light and blessings be with you on your journey!

 

“White Eagle”

 


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In our life time we go through changes ,we all do, some are good and alot are bad!

I wish I was kidding on that one, but we know that to be true, or we and our world wouldn’t be in this mess that we are in now .
However, life isn’t about pointing fingers, simply put we are all to blame .

The real world is about all you have done or what your going to do.  Be it good or bad it makes no difference.

It’s all about the experience you are going through to learn to share ,even the bad things are to be shared , so others don’t go down that same bad path.

When you get to that point in your life where you understand why your world is the way it is
it will make sense.  You  will be able to see the road you walk on and where you are headed.
Always make sure that you remember you can change your world a heart beat , thats if you don’t like the world your in now.  When the time is right, you will find the power to be able to change all the negitive energy that is sucking the life from you.

For example:

I was an active  alcoholic, and I loved that booze made me feel like I was a King,it didn’t matter who I hurt,  pushed away or hit not realizing that I was not the one in control of me .

When we are drunk we open ourselves up to be led by negative thoughts that we have no control over because of the booze.  After a night of drinking by myself  I woke up the next morning still drunk.   I got up, went outside,  barfed and when I was done and still standing there I asked myself, “what the hell am I doing?  It was then I realized that all of the crap in my world I created  because of  my drinking!  I understood that my life was about to make its first step from the  shadow I had been living under.

It has been two years since I walked away from my own prison.  The prison of my addiction to alcohol!  I did not go to program as I felt  I did not need someone to support me or carry me .I just simply knew that it was my time to let go.

For any of you out there when your ready to let go of crap in your life you will just know that your ready from inside you ,  listen to your heart, it knows you better then you know yourself!

When you are ready to take that first step towards the new you (well, its still you!  just upgraded)
you will begin to see more of whats going on, to be able to make the better judgments
and you will see more options in life that were once  hidden from you.

In other words you just take off a blindfold of addictions and thats one less to worry about.

I hope this helps you to be stronger in spirit, it has helped me and now I see that it is  just another tool to fight the prison of darkness that covers us all.

Thanks for reading what I have to share and please remember to spread love from yourself to the people that share your world with you!

P.S. Don’t forget the animals, they need love too!

“Wandering Eagle”  (Dean)

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A STORY OF PEACE:

A very dear friend of mine has a beautiful daughter who has been using Crystal Meth for many years. I have had the honor of knowing this young woman since she was a small child. At the age of 5 “Yoda” was full of life, intelligence and caring although she could be somewhat demanding, difficult and unpredictable.

As she grew up I observed the many changes that were happening in her life. Her mother and father ended up divorced and Yoda seemed to be confused and lost. Her loyalties were split between her mother and father, and she seemed to be having difficulty making friends and deciding where she fit in this life. In spite of this, Yoda was gifted in many ways, including her gift of being able to manipulate and turn situations into chaos to work in her favor.

Several years ago I found out that she was using drugs as a means to fit in and escape a reality which she did not want to be a part of. The reality of divorce and change! Her mother approached me and asked me for some assistance. I did family counseling with Mom, Dad and Yoda, and many times I just wanted to give up on Yoda. I ended up taking my work home with me because Yoda came to the town where I was working to spend time with myself and my partner. She wanted to detox herself from the drugs. I understood then that the only thing I could do was ensure that she continued to breath, sleep, and ensure that her medical needs were taken care of should she need help until she was once again ready to tackle her world.

She was and still is willful, using dishonesty as her ticket to getting what she wants, blaming others for predicaments that she gets herself into, and at many times is not a pleasant human being to be around. Over the years I have asked the Universe, Creator and God for assistance so that she can find the beauty that lies within her.

One encounter that I had with Yoda was totally amazing. She, her mother and I, went on a road trip so that Yoda could prepare to attend modeling school. Yoda told us that she had been clear of all drug usage, had graduated from high school and wanted to step into the world of modeling to make both her world and the world of others, a more beautiful place to be in.

Physically, Yoda is very beautiful and mysterious looking. She is 5’8” tall, weighs 90 pounds, and seems to be confident in what she wants to do. We all believed that she was clean and ready to step out into the world and beautify it. Our reality changed the week prior to our departure when we learned that Yoda had not quit doing drugs but, that she in fact had only learned to manage her behaviors in a more acceptable manner to cover her drug usage. I felt torn and was ready to cancel the trip, but when I talked to her mother I heard the urgency and fear in her mother’s voice and readily agreed that we would still go on the trip.

“After all, I had been through this detoxification process with her before and I innocently decided that he mother and I would be there only to assist her on her journey into adulthood while offering our love and support”.

Within the first day I learned that this was not the way it was going to be!
Yoda, who chose to come off the drugs, was going through some pretty serious detoxification. She refused to get out of bed, slept, whined, complained, blamed, yelled, fought and created total chaos for herself and everyone who was around her. Yoda holds the belief that the world will have to understand her, the misfortune that is within her life, her lack of good health, and tolerate her behaviors while her needs are being taken care of. Her priority in life was always getting high and staying high and with her mother and I with her this was not possible and she had chosen to be clean.

The first few days we got her out of bed, put up with her abuse mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, while Yoda was attempting to fulfill her dream of being a model! Finally, after I had been hit by a flying pillow, almost knocked off of my feet by her flying feet, being verbally abused and sworn at, I knew I was about to totally lose my patience and my temper! I did, and I picked up the flying pillow, threw it back onto the bed where she was still lying, face hidden under the covers and got into a verbal sparring match with her. Her mother sat back quietly listening with tears in her eyes. Yoda accused me of not listening to her and I quickly realized that this approach was not working, just as it had never worked in my life.

I let Yoda know that I needed to leave, and that I would be ready and willing to listen to her after I had a time out and when she was willing to talk with me.

I went outside to a picnic table and quietly asked for some assistance, from Creator to help me deal with Yoda and this situation.

I knew that I required some kind of guidance to find an inner strength and peace and put this situation back together.

As I sat eating a cracker quietly a small duck appeared in front of me and began to beg for the cracker. I became totally immersed in that moment with the duck and around the corner came four more ducks. I sat lovingly playing with all five of them and suddenly I realized that the guidance and help I had asked for had miraculously appeared!

Yoda loves animals, and I called her Mother to come and watch the antics of the ducks as we played. Within moments Yoda had got out of bed, moved outside and started feeding the ducks, laughing and playing along with her mother and I. The ducks assisted us to resolve the situation, and Yoda and I began to talk. I began to really listen to Yoda, both to what she was and what she was not saying. She was right, I had not been listening to her. I had only heard the words that she spoke. I had neglected to understand everything that she felt that she could not say. As we both became more open a peace came over me and I then knew what true peace was all about. It comes from me!

Thank you Yoda, Creator, and the Ducks for this most astonishing lesson!

A follow up:

Yoda is still struggling with her drug use, has found out that she has had two heart attacks, (one while we were on our trip) and her pancreas is not functioning properly. She has difficulty eating, is losing more weight and has developed an ulcer. I pray daily and ask Creator for assistance so that she too may discover that peace comes from within her and radiates to the outside of her. She did not become a model and believes today that this will not be a reality for her because of what she has done to her body and mind through drug use.

Yoda has registered in University and hopes to eventually help others. She is still a drug addict, sabotaging any movement forward through always having to find her fix before she moves forward with anything in her life. May you be happy and well Yoda!

I Love You my Friend

“Whitebird”

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