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Posts Tagged ‘knowing my limits’

Upon waking this morning I was able to arise with some personal resolution in regards to some external issues and circumstances happening around me.
After feeling a range of emotions (which I hate at the time but appreciate later) I have come to the realization of a number of different things.

  • Firstly, I did my ultimate best,  and I don’t mean a half assed sorta kinda best, I mean I went above and beyond what I even knew I was capable of doing. I became someone so much stronger and more capable than I ever knew myself to be.
  • Secondly, I did what I had to do in the face of extremely uncertain circumstances, for me. I was forced to take action to take care of myself possibly for the first time in my life.  I learned that in taking care of myself, that in turn was also taking care of the people in my life whom I love and care for the most.
  • Thirdly, I learned a life changing lesson!  I learned that most people are afraid. They are afraid to be on their own, and to be forced to do the best that they possibly can because it means that they have to get in touch with their own personal integrity and also it means that they can no longer live the role of being the victim.  They are forced to become the creator of their lives, and in so doing they must face the responsibility of their own actions. I have learned that in the face of extreme adversity it forces us to choose which road we are going to travel down. And in turn it forces us to weigh the importance of that which we thought we knew to be “true”, and important. I have experienced that the truth that I live, is not necessarily the truth that other people live, but it is OK because they do not have the same experiences to draw from as I have and vice- versa.
  • Mostly, I have learned a most important lesson that I now realize after feeling many different emotions and that is one of forgiveness. I realize that another person’s actions can only be from the basis of how they are feeling at that time, and as a culmination of who they have become in their lifetime. I know mostly that they do what they do from the automatic response of being in fear. I know that what a friend did, she did because she did not have the skills or the capacity at this time to deal with her own inner turmoil and in an effort to make herself feel better she directed it at me. And I can see the extent of her own inner turmoil by how she directed it in what she felt would be the most hurtful way possible. If I can look at it with this knowledge I can now see that she did what she did because she is afraid, and in an effort to make herself feel better her own ignorance and ego got in her way. I know it is her own lesson to learn, it came from her arising of her own issues of abandonment and inferiorty, and many more which I do not care to know. The repercussions of her actions will be hers to deal with as she moves forward in her life, not mine. And so I am left with the only thing I have in my power to do, and that is to move on with my life knowing that I am the best person I can possibly be. And I extend to her forgiveness for her actions knowing now that there is nothing that she or anyone else can do to me to take away my sense of personal pride in knowing I was honest and true to myself. At this time I feel empathy towards her for the grief that she must be feeling over the wreckage of her own ego. There is no one on this planet that has the power to get the best of me. Only I have that power and I direct it only where I choose from this moment in time and forward into eternity.

Thank you Creator for this life expanding lesson.  Today I am in gratitude for my new found sense of awareness of myself and the boundaries I own in order for me to know myself.

“Kisa”

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